"Belief In a Cruel God, Makes a Cruel Man."

Thomas Paine.

The words of a wise man! I cannot say that Philosophers were so wise though, lol. They thought too much, but maybe thinking about the world isn't such a bad thing. I think it depends on the way you do it. So this blog today is on religion. I guess I have been fluttered by recent events. I would like to point out that I am not sure how to express the following without seeming judgemental. And I can admit that maybe I am, but this is meant to be more opinion based - questioning the thoughts of others, and also the confusion of the many scenarios that engulf our lives. Above all, there is no attacking other religions here, everyone is free to believe what they wish (and do), as you are free to disagree with every last word I say.

Let's start with my religious background. I was baptized Methodist, and spent most of my youngly years in a Presbyterian Church. Not to say the least I found church very boring. There were only a few sermons here and there that seemed worth listening to. The only thing remotely joyful was reading the bible. In my adolescent years, I spent my time experimenting with different religions. I went from agnosticism, to atheism and (yes) Wiccan, then back to agnosticism. I am now without a religion and apparently they have a name: Nones. They now make up 15% of the population (supposedly), and some do believe in God, in fact the majority do. To put a name to myself you could even call me a Deist. In fact Deism is probably the most logical thing for me to believe in. It makes sense, and in the least, life should make sense. But the thought of joining another... group of sorts just scares me, though they do not seem so "radical" as revealed religions. It would be nice to talk to others who believe in what I believe in. And understand the things I understand.

So, i felt it necessary to reveal that in my case, all roads lead to God, just not the God that seems to be rather vengeful and cruel. I don't believe that even Hitler is in Hell. In my opinion, God would be a creative "punisher". Punishment is needed to guide loved ones, but it does not have to be cruel and unusual and should not be feared. I would think that anyone who is far from Holy returns to Earth to "try again", and learn a lesson, or must spend their years as a spirit of some sort. Of course, these are only speculations, and yes, I allow my mind to run wild. :) Whether or not the Devil exists is a mystery. Evil is in each  of us. There is an opposite to everything. there is self control in not acting on your "twin". I do not believe in a God where he send you to this Hell, because you did not follow Christianity, even if you did everything humanly right in  your  life. Considering that in the bible, Jews are highly mentioned. So why don't people follow Judaism when everything else (selectively) is followed in the Bible? Or is it because they crucified Jesus on the cross? All of a sudden they are a forbidden religion? As a side note: I will be using Bible verses as well, because since most highly regard it, that's what they can believe rather than the word of man (woman)...usually anyways. :-/

Speaking of the Bible, not to mention that people wrote what they believed were messages from God, there's a few different versions and all have been translated from some old language. If anyone has ever learned a second language, you notice that other languages have different word orders and meanings for their words.

Although I am highly disgusted that people's main excuse for spanking is not that: "I have a hard-headed child and I have no clue what else to do." but rather, "The bible says so." Well...no it doesn't. The common quote "Spare the rod, spoil the child." seems rather foul, don't you think? A ROD, really? Don't try to tell me a rod is some some soft stick. When i hear rod, I think of a metal pole. Does that sound humane to you? Of course there are other definitions of rod, but none of them seem sound enough to be used as a spanking tool. Now, as mentioned above, translating takes a little bit of work because of word meanings. With that said, rod can be interpreted in another more sensible way. And here to help me will be the following website: http://www.raptureforums.com/FeaturedCommentary/sparetherod.cfm Now this is not meant to start a spanking debate, those are endless and dimes a dozen. I just want a more sensible reason then "The Bible says so." And quite frankly, I don't see anything big wrong with it, if it's: A) Not you're only form of discipline, and B) it's controlled. We should all take a closer look at nature. Animals in the wild nip at their children to teach them a lesson, (it's a harder world for them don't ya know), but imagine them putting the force of a rod behind their bite. That's the only point I'm trying to make, but by all means, if you need to, spank. I've finally come to terms with this concept, but that does not mean I don't still have something to say, as usual!

Evil, also seems to be abounding greatly in this world of ours. Everyone in the spotlight (rappers, singers, the government) are supposedly evil. One example of this is Beyonce' wearing a Baphomet ring. Before I go on, people should research the Illuminati and Masonic beliefs. They are both confusing because there's a bunch of misleading information on both. But no one wants to do all of that right? Well neither do I. Moving on. The ring that Beyonce wore was a RAM from the Banana Republic. The blurry photos are misleading causing people to believe weird thing. Go here: http://www.brrepublic.com/home.html and click exclusives to see the RAM. Not to mention that it's a RAM'S SKULL, and not a Goat's live head...live being...a terrible description lol. And here's a better photo: http://twitpic.com/1gkhya and then this blogger exposes it as well: http://immaculatebacktalk.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/the-truth-behind-beyonces-devil-ring/ Hell, even I would buy it because I am an Aries. But I know that these photos mean nothing as they have thousands more for their "proof" that people of a higher status are evil. I am endlessly baffled at the fact that people would like to dig for evil rather than good. On top of that, listening to music does not possess you. If you don't carry yourself in a sluttish, whorish matter, then why does it matter that I was bumping Single Ladies last night? On top of that, no one asks anybody anything anymore, they just assume on "hidden" meanings. Not to mention that some are so quick to also, criminalize these famous people's religions because they don't align with their own, i.e. scientology. They have to sing/rap about God every step of the way to be "Holy" but this is only the surface on some's hypocrisy. The surface I tell you! There's just a lot of he said she said. The media is very good at getting people to believe just about anything, and no one bothers to question where they got their information from. Ever played the telephone game and wonder why at the end someone says something WAY off from what you heard. Learn to follow yourself and not because something MADE up says that you should follow it! And I'm referring to the ridiculous belief that artists are in some secret society. The artists are getting so much more attention from those that are so absolutely worried that they are corrupting the youth. Well let me tell you something. The only corruption comes from wanting to use Diet Pepsi cans to roll my hair, because no child is worried about the friggin' dynasty sign that Jay-Z is throwing up. Just like the ones that believe in this nonsense because they have been tricked into doing so, but not knowing any fact, kids are only singing lyrics and throwing up signs because their idol is doing it, they have no clue what the supposed hidden meaning is. Not to mention that Jay-Z was accused of stealing his, now popular, symbol, so does that still make it terrible??

Romans 14:10 But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.
Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.

Let's also keep in mind that many people dream of becoming a celebrity. The whole Illuminati situation pretty much says that they shouldn't because they will become an Illuminati. So pretty much, everyone in the music industry is weak minded and can't think for themselves...well gee that sounds quite similar to the people who believe in this in the first place. But this is enough of that crap. There's more information to dig out!

I mention hypocrites, for the simple fact that many people pick and choose Bible verses. Homosexuality would be a good example.

But before I get to that I want to return to the quote in the subject. "Belief In a Cruel God, Makes a Cruel Man." How can a loving God also be an angry God? He will be angry with us for many things as stated in the Bible. But anger is a human emotion. God is a holy being, he cannot be human and immortal. I don't want to have to live my life in fear of what God would do to me if I make a mistake, I remember those days hiding in fear, why should I fear someone who should be above normal human emotions? It just does not seem right. I would rather be loved by God. Therefore I do not fear, I do my best for God loves me.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:18 (Should not have to fear God!)

Back to Homosexuality. This again returns to the accuracies of said Bible and how people pick and choose.
"'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads. -Leviticus 20:13". I don't see anyone suggesting death here, but it clearly says so! It says we must do it! But this is too cruel for one to fathom then huh? Especially if it's your own son. But if you follow the Bible, the Bible is word, how can you disagree with such a statement? On top of this, there is new information on Soy Milk, and who knows how many other foods, (with the exception of Soy), that are being added with chemicals that no one cares to study how they effect the human body. So, you give your new growing son soy milk, and he develops thoughts similar to womens because his body is surging with estrogen! So he is attracted to men now because of this! Do we fault a child and "put to death" someone when it is the fault of the food they ate? We punish because of outside influences? And then many are so quick to refute studies that could prove that homosexuality is genetic, but yet believe other more ridiculous situations...such as above, based on theory. I don't know how many men WANT to be gay, have you seen what happens to some of them? The ridicule, the torture that some of them endure? Yeah..that makes it SO cool to be homosexual.

I think this will be all for now. I am highly tired lol. And I feel better sort of. :)

Have a nice day, and don't forget to think first, and act later.

Matthew 5:44 "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

John 13:34 - I am giving you a new commandment to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.

Interracial Dating: Not Happening For The Black Women

Maybe where you are, black women are free and maybe even encouraged to date outside of their race. Since I have made the decision to pursue what I really want I have been more frustrated than ever! I thought it would be easy because I see all the black men who are with white women, or other races, but as I searched around many white men were not responding to any attempts I made. So wait for them to come to you? Nope, can't do that either because they're either too shy, or more narrow-minded at dating outside their race. Or it's a preference, but I find it funny that more white women are more attracted to men outside of their race and not the white men. So is it a preference or have they just been told as a child that that will not fly in this household so don't you dare even date a black girl?

Regardless of what the white men are thinking it is very CLEAR that black men have this opportunity to date what they are attracted to with incredible speed, while black women may have to wait months upon years until they find another man who is TRULY attracted to you and not trying to be the one to say "I fucked a black girl dude!"

As I keep with my honesty, and not caring what people may think, I will say that I have many times wished I were another race. I wished my hair were easier to comb through in the morning, and like the world told me, the pale skin, pretty eyes, and blonde hair is what's pretty. But alas I must love my skin because it is ME and if I don't love ME, who can love me?

I sit here and hope that one day some man will help me change my mind that my journey is not hopeless. And that one day I can feel what it's like to be IN love. If it never happens, at least I can die knowing I tried.

All I Wanna Do Is...

..really all I want to do is sleep, but now that I have slipped back onto the alluring computer I feel the need to write a blog. Nothing has rocked me in particular today, I just want to talk about some stuff I suppose. Blogger doesn't seem the place really where my ideas will escape so I think I'm safe. Ha! So first I will talk about some Music then talk about how I am feeling in my current position I life.

First things first. My title is from Paper Planes by M.I.A. It's a really nice song really. I am currently listening to Robocop by Kanye West, and boy do I want to hate this guy but that another blog entirely. It sounds like there are two versions to this song? The one I am listening to now seems more hip hop then the first one I listened too. Well I listened to a few other ones and apprently I am wrong. Hmm, that's very strange though. Let's see, there is a remix to "Live Your Life" with Elly Ess that I think is pretty hot. In fact Elly Ess is amazing. After that I went searching for a bunch of reggae which I had falling off of. Beanie Man has been putting out a couple good songs. Makes me happy to have something to dance to when I am alone in my room. My favorite is called, "Back it up" by the way. Let's see. I don't think I have heard any song I disliked...oh wait, there's Beyonce' the song called "If I Were A Boy" really irks me. She makes me dislike slow songs like I used to, it's way too slow for me and I am sure Ciara has a few words for her, though, "To each her own." Still though, like the song is...I couldn't even make my way through the first minute but I know people die for this song. I do like "Single Ladies" I believe it's called. Now that is a nice song ya know. The video is simple, and the dancing is great so applaud to her. So I think that's all I have to ramble on about music. It's now 3:41 AM and I am wondering how I will get without hitting the snooze this morning. That will be a task. Eep! Just to finish off I found a song by Lil Wayne that may be slightly old but it's called "I Can Take Your Girl." I like this song! I love when Wayne shows his soft side! *tear*

So there's a lot of stuff on my mind. As usual it's mostly related to men! Or boys, I mean I guess it would depend on who I'm referring to. Let's start with something simpler. Like what next college semester may have in store for me. First I may have to take some new science classes because Anatomy lab and Biochem Lecture are not flying this semester! Yeah I gave up on Biochem after studying for 3 hours and failing the test the next day. And no I did not cram. So I suppose next semester will be crammed with more General Ed. classes, and then a few summers on campus and hopefully by the time I am 21 I can kiss college goodbye. I will give up 1 year of college for anything!! Really the length of time you spend in school is so ridiculous and if I didn't love kids I would be over at Bob Evans taking those orders! I really dislike waiting on people though and really being a server is a horrible job. I think my next blog will be: "How to treat your server when eating out." Some people are unnecesarily rude and do stupid things like coming in 5 minutes before closing.

Next, and lastly on my mind and honestly this is what fills my mind all day besides how my mother is doing, and how my life is going, but love is what prods me. Well, so far my life is surprisingly seeming okay. I think right now I am just stable and that's what will keep me sane for hopefully a few months.

I am listening to that Lil Wayne song I mentioned in the beginning and it just seems so sweet. Like it is like Wayne likes this girl and he wants her, and Wayne gets what he effin wants! I think the fact that it's just not about some guy rapping about how many girls he screwed, or how many blunts he smoked, he's actually showing some feelings that you may or may not have to dig through, and it's nice like, "P****, Money, Weed" also by Wayne. My point being more guys should express their feelings and stop thinking it's gay! Because it's not. I don't mean smother a chick with love...it IS also nice to know that your man is strong enough to fight any dangers coming through the front door. *sniff*

On that note, I wonder what love feels like lmao. I still question if I've felt it. I think I've wanted it so much that I have forced it. Hmm, I think I need to be feeling something for someone that I would no one else. That makes sense right? You love your friends and parent(s) and pet a different way, so a boyfriend/girlfriend should feel different right? Hmm, see what happens? I think. I just made a discovery. Maybe my exes were friends with benefits? Can you really love someone within a matter of 2-3 months? In the year I was single I grew up a bit because I don't throw guys away because they bore me anymore. So that's a big change for me!

What else is on my mind...well, besides the bed, the only thing bugging me is: Who the hell will I be marrying!? Like I wonder if I will end up a single parent...If I am not deeply in love with someone by 2018, maybe sooner, I will be a single parent (you are allowed to adopt as a single parent!), if cat hoarding hasn't caught up with me first! I wonder if I will marry young like I want to? With my rather selfish ways I see it unlikely but a nice thought! I just wonder a lot and hate it. My curiosity is large and constantly wants to be fulfilled (which may have been why I chose Nursing as a major), and I think it bothers me that my relationships seem so Dead-End, and that I may never find that "soul-mate". Though he could be under my nose...

One last thing to say: How can an Aries even have a soul-mate!? Does anyone know the traits on an Aries? I will tell you to save time, and when finished, I feel it gives more insight on my problems.

P.S. I don't believe in Soul Mates, I think that people are able to have more than one person that they can handle for the rest of their life, and yes some better than others, but maybe not ONE person. Like, do you know how hard that would be?? Yet I do still want one! Lol

Traits of an Aries: Now Arians are pretty damn awesome, I mean come on, we are FIRST in the zodiac. That's just awesome in itself. NOTE: The below does not apply to everyone under this sign and some people question astrology entirely so think of it as me making fun of my sign and blaming it for my horrible relationships!

#1) "...horns of the ram, the leader of the flock." I mean that right there is asking for trouble if you ask me. How many men want a female running the show? I am quite docile though for the most part.

#2) "You can also be impatient and outspoken. Your eagerness can seem pushy and your assertiveness can easily become aggression.
You are the pioneers of the zodiac." So, I don't get mad easily but I usually say what I want if I feel it's necessary and it's frustrating when I am not heard, so in that sense I can get angry. And if I guy let's me be assertive I take advantage that, but sometimes I like to be told to step down. ;)

#3) "They do not easily forgive their enemies, although they are rarely tempted to seek revenge for their wrongs." You're damn right I don't, but revenge sounds nice sometimes...actually I think this has nothing to do with relationships, it was just interesting.

#4) "The female destroys her best talents through jealousy..." Well now, no man likes a jealous woman!

#5) "Women born in Aries are impatient of long seams, or the finishing-off or filling-in process. They see how a thing looks at the start, and expect somebody else to do the work." Not gonna lie, lol, this one sounds a lot like me. Wish someone would finish college for me damnit. And uh, I'm sure some men out don't care, but most want a woman that's a little supportive and not throwing everything on him? But I mean hey if I start, why can't you finish?

#6) "...and very fond of children. The impulse of sex is strong, and they are apt to make unhappy marriages." I figured I should throw a plus in there. Well, it's half a plus. Most men want to pass genes on to their children, and what guy doesn't mind sex 3x a day? I am assuming the unhappy marriage part may come from straying, who knows really?

#7) Selfishness As much as a guy may want it to be about him, it's not. It's about me. Never thought I was selfish, but I think I am, it's just not that obvious.

#8) "Another flaw in the Arian makeup is a fear of rejection. Rejection is near the top of their list of fears. If the Arian is not certain of acceptance, to avoid rejection, they do the rejecting first." Really though, this is the way to go! It IS a good defense. Maybe that's why I broke up with all those...anywho, I am sure most men don't look forward to being dumped but really, this is a great idea!!!??? COME ON, that shouldn't even be a negative trait.

Links: http://www.psychicsconnect.com/astrology/traits_aries.asp#
http://zodiacsign.mrgoodman.com/zodiacsignsoffire.html
http://www.findyourfate.com/astrology/aries.htm

Goodnight, it is 4:47 AM and I have about 5 hours to sleep!

Love

I wrote this not too long ago, and uh I posted it first on Myspace, so yay for copy & paste!

Have you ever been lost in a world waiting for someone to pick you up? Or find you?

Have you ever felt like you waited forever for someone that belonged to you? That was right for you, perfect in every way? Make your heart stop when they touch you? Miss them as soon as they walk out the door, and long for them until they return?

LOVE is a funny thing isn't it? How does one know if they're in love? I've told countless guys "I love you" but now as I think about it, think of how I pushed each one out of my life through boredom, I wonder what love really feels like.

It's within human nature to want your space. We have jobs, school, kids... But when you love, aren't you supposed to want to be in their arms forever? Until the sun and moon both tire from shining light into your worlds?

Love seems so inhuman. How quickly love changes when one runs out money! How quickly feelings fall when anniversary is forgotten, though it's just a man's nature I suppose.

Because we are so human, love seems so unattainable. How can we love when the real world expects so much? Only those who know they've got can love, if it's worth it that is. Or maybe I am too impatient, and needy to hold on long enough for this so called love. Is love necessary? Sure humans need physical interaction but is it necessary, to love. I feel as though My complexities make it impossible for anyone to be able to take care of my daily battles. It's sad of how normal one must be to actually satisfy the needs of a relationship...I am far from normal, I am...corrupt?

I wonder why fictitious love characters break my heart so much? As I read, I want my life taken, just so I too can be in this unreal love as someone reads my actions. Why is this so?

As I read Twilight which caught my attention, solely on the thought of vampires, I was saddened at what love this FICTIONAL character received. I enjoyed the book right down to the epilogue, but this ordinary girl, ordinary like I (or maybe not), and millions of people with a sound heart & mind...maybe I'm a little far from "sound", but this ordinary girl getting all this attention, because Edward Cullen saw something. Besides her "luscious smell" he loved her clumsiness, & her blushes, and all in between. I guess it's simple to say I envied a fictitious and inhuman love. Or is it inhuman?

Is love what it really states itself to be? I have to believe so. HUMAN LOVE is sex, fights, hugs & kisses, moments of emptiness, recreation, more fights, trust-broken, unhappiness, sadness, struggles, attachment for comfort, and sex at the end of the day.

Love is so inhuman, not real, yet I long for its unrelenting burden & feel it gives me. But I feel as though I lack those proper principles to complete the process of this /human love/ or maybe I look into all the wrong places...